Thursday, December 15, 2011

normal???



Sometimes I think that we are normal. I am use to not being able to go to the grocery store with all my kids, at it is so nice to not have to take them all, and not going all that many places. At times we start to feel normal. We forget about what Aubree went through, we still think cancer everyday, but its normal because we have been thinking cancer everyday for a year. I do think we do go some days without thinking it, but with still having to give Aubree medication everyday, we still think about it a lot. We were getting causal of where we would take her and we enjoyed going out as a family.

It wasnt till Aundrea's recital for Kindergarten that I realized that we are not normal at all. My sister needed help at her house, and so my mom wanst able to come up at watch Aubree, so my husband and I decided that we would just take Aubree with us. I walked in and was a little uneasy, but it was all grownups and very few children. Then the school started to file in, and I started to panic. I know that some of those kids were sick, and I didnt want Aubree around them. I had a mask in my purse out of habit and I put it on fast and got up and went to the back of the room. I was disappointed to be at the back of the room because all of our pictures an video of Aundrea are not good. Aubree got a runny nose the next day and I know its because of being in the school with all those kids. So we are not feeling normal again, and are more careful of where she goes.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Thoughts

I dont know that anyone really reads this blog anymore with Aubree doing so good. But that doesnt bother me, I started this blog to help me put down my feelings. To help me deal with what our family is going through. At times, I believe, it was a way to get information out to a lot of people. With that said, tonight is a night that I am just need to write.
Tonight I learned of another child that has relapsed. I dont know them personally, but they did end treatment a month before Aubree was diagnosed. It makes me scared, my heart hurts for these people, but there is also fear for Aubree. But not only Aubree, there are so many other children that I have got to know that I think what if. I know that she will be ok, what else can I tell myself? But the what if's always sneak in, I dont know that I could do it again. I am just glad that I have so much to do, that I dont have a ton of time to think about it, but I still do.....