Friday, February 4, 2011

Some thoughts

This round of chemo has been very difficult for me. Nelson and I had some questions about the bone marrow transplant and so against my better judgment I went out looking for the answer. In the process I came upon blog after blog of children who have passed. This consumed all my time and thoughts. I started looking at Aubree as if she had no chance at all. This weighed heavily on my heart, and if you can imagine it made time up here very rough. I dont know why, I didnt even know these people, and every case really is its own despite what the stats are. I am doing much better, Nelson gave me a priesthood blessing and I am doing so much better, in fact I have done a 180 and I know look to the future with Aubree, I know that she will make it. But my heart hurts tonight as I read a blog of a patient that I do know. She was the family that I watched as her sister gave her bone marrow to save her sister. I talked to her mother about the procedure as I myself was going to have to do the same thing. I do not know what has since happened with this family, but my heart goes out to them. I am so thankful for the love of our Heavenly Father and all that he does for us. I am so grateful for priesthood blessings that make going through this so much easier. I am thankful for the peace that the spirit brings, for the spirit that is here in this hospital. I am just so thankful for the love of everyone around me, and the support that is given to me on a daily basis by wonderful parents and siblings. I one day wish to be with them in eternity. I have learned how fragile life is, and at any time it can be ripped from us. For this reason I am grateful that I have the beliefs that I do, that no matter what happens, I will be a forever family.


  1. Autumn - I'm so sorry to hear how hard this last round has been for you. I looked at the link you posted and it breaks my heart. I know that many people in the ward will be fasting for you guys this weekend.

  2. Autumn, the internet and all the research info and blogs I would read used to get me down too. It's a difficult thing because I would want to look up other people's situations, but it was always so sad to read about those that didn't make it. Aubree is a strong fighter! We'll be praying for her and we'll add her (and your son) to our fast on Sunday that the bone marrow transplant works!

  3. I was also just amazed with the faith of Arianna's parents. They told me that it would only be moments before they would see their little girl again--that she would pass through the veil and that they would be there with her only moments later. That has given me a great deal of comfort knowing that whatever happens, it'll only really last a moment.

    I love your sweet little family. I agree with Jill--she really is a fighter, killing off that cancer only after the first round! We'll keep praying that the transplant will be bearable.